Beating The Holiday Blues: Parents Coping With Holiday Depression

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year all happen within the course of 6 weeks, and the ushering in of glad tidings with great joy can also bring a flurry of depression. If the holiday trifecta this time of year has left you or a member of your family feeling blue, you are not alone. Holiday Depression can strike for any myriad of reasons, and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) states that 64% of people who struggle with a mental illness such as anxiety or depression find their conditions harder to cope with around the holidays. 

The holidays are full of triggers which can intensify stressors, and Holiday Depression is essentially the same as depression, just with a holiday bent. The symptoms of the Holiday Blues include excessive exhaustion, little motivation or ambition to do basic daily activities including the activities of the season, loss of interest in things that used to make you happy, poor sleep, and extreme sadness. 

The Holiday Blues trigger stress, depression, and anxiety for multiple reasons, and one of the best ways to deal with your Holiday Blues is to first acknowledge and define it. Admitting to yourself that you’re not yourself, and understanding what is triggering your Holiday Depression will bring you one step closer to finding comfort. As we go through some causes and remedies below, remember that the best method to navigating the Holiday Blues is to stay true to yourself. 

What Causes Or Triggers The Holiday Blues?

 Below are the most common causes that trigger Holiday Depression:

• Loneliness 
• Loss
• Financial strain
• General holiday stress
• Unrealistic expectations
• Too many social interactions

Loneliness And Loss

If your family lives far away, if you are a single Mom, if you won’t be home for Christmas, or if you lost a loved one around this time of year in the past, then you are susceptible to experiencing the Holiday Blues. Note that “loss” does not need to be a person. Childhood memories and happy traditions can be a huge part of what ushers in the holiday spirit, and as a result, loss can also be experienced from missing holidays past. If you don’t feel as though you are thriving in your personal life, then you can easily find yourself longing for the bliss of the past at the cost of the potential for happiness in the present.

How To Work Through Holiday Loneliness And Holiday Loss

• Acknowledge your feelings and then honor or transform them. For example, survival guilt can become survival gratitude, and you can honor loss through any way that feels right to you: partaking in a tradition, having a moment of silence, lighting a candle, looking at old photos, etc. The point here is to not let how you think you should feel control how you actually feel. The best way to work through difficult feelings is to first feel them, second acknowledge them, and third honor them. 
• Know that it is not dishonorable to a loved one’s memory to be happy. Many times, people who have experienced great loss feel that they don’t have the privilege of being happy out of respect for what or who they lost. Take comfort in the fact that smiles are not disrespectful. In fact, smiles can be just as honoring as tears. 

Financial Strain

Financial strain is a very real stress factor this time of year. Unfortunately, there is so much pressure around the holidays to have the latest decorations, all the new “stuff”, just the right gift, and all the best food and clothes. My advice is to reject materialism. The holidays are not about the clothes, decorations, or the stuff. It is about taking time to honor the most important people and feelings in your life, and that need not cost a lot of money.

 How To Work Through Holiday Financial Strain:

• Take a proactive approach to managing your holiday financial strain with these five tips on holiday finances.
• Consider what emotions are influencing your holiday financial decisions. 
• Get creative with your gifts: 24 Thoughtful & Free Gifts and Marie Claire’s 39 Totally Free Gift Ideas.
• Invite your children to participate in making gifts or doing acts of service for loved ones.
• Don’t feel guilty about other people outgiving you. Every person has different finances, emotions, and values. Remember: the key to beating the Holiday Blues is staying true to yourself. 

Unrealistic Expectations + Too Many Social Interactions = General Holiday Stress

The pressure most mothers put on themselves to provide the best holiday possible for their children can leave them completely stressed. Especially if you or your child struggle with anxiety, too many social interactions can leave you both feeling drained and exhausted. As a result, the holidays are often the most wonderful time – and the most stressful time – of the year. Here are a few tips for navigating the stress of the season. 

• Take the time to notice your expectations and make a list of them. Then one by one, go through that list and ask yourself if the expectation is something that is reasonable and controllable. If there are too many variables to make that expectation feasible, then it is unrealistic, and you should move it over to a “hopeful” list. Too often, people list out their hopes in their list of expectations, and it often leads to severe disappointment. Taking the time to identify what expectations are realistic or not will help you navigate the season in a healthier way. 
• Navigate the holiday stress and manage the social events you do choose to except strategically with these 5 tips for managing holiday stress and anxiety. 

The Bottom Line

The Holiday Blues is not a permanent condition, but any type of depression – whether it is short term or long term – must be taken seriously as it could develop into a chronic condition if not supported appropriately. If you are a woman who struggles with depression or anxiety, I encourage you to be extra kind to yourself this holiday season. Feel your feelings. Figure out what you need, and then work through them. Also, know that you do not have to work through them alone.

Do you or your child need more support? 

If you or your child are struggling with Holiday Anxiety or Holiday Depression, give the gift of support this year. Find a qualified mental health provider in our directory.