When families have more than one child, parents can often feel overwhelmed trying to keep everyone happy, especially when one child has special needs and another child who is neurotypical. And when one sibling needs more of their parent's attention due to their different needs, parents worry that it is negatively impacting the child(ren) who needs less of their direct attention or supervision.
When a child sees another child being treated differently, particularly if they perceive that the child is being favored by adults, the natural tendency is to question the situation or even to become jealous and angry. When that child is a sibling, the issues become even more challenging. Siblings of special needs children often feel neglected, to the point of actually feeling invisible.
Multiple doctor appointments, coordination with providers, advocacy for appropriate education, dispensing medication, toileting assistance, feeding and all the other possible tasks expected of a parent leaves little left over for siblings, who may then feel left out. The siblings may become upset that their accomplishments are not acknowledged or simply that they don’t get enough time with their parents. They may also try to overcompensate by becoming the “perfect child” so as not to create any extra stress for their parents.
How can parents of special needs children make sure they are balancing the needs of siblings? Here are a few suggestions other parents have found helpful:
Communication, acknowledgement, and reassurances can go far in helping all of your children develop stronger sibling relationships. Once you have had open and honest discussions with the special need child’s siblings, you will have a better understanding of their concerns and they will have a better understanding of why you do what you do. Together, with understanding and ongoing, open communication, you can grow even stronger as a family.